Every year, Tilly dreams of the dad she’s never known showing up for her birthday. But he never does. When she wakes up on the morning of her sixteenth birthday dadless yet again, she knows it’ll never happen.
In fact, it’s her worst birthday ever because her grandmother died a few months ago, her mum is working again, and the boy she’s in love with—the ridiculously gorgeous Josh—refuses to break up with his drama-queen girlfriend and notice her instead.
Then Tilly’s dad does show up, shocking everyone, and she works out an awful truth: Her mum and her grandma lied to her. For sixteen years! Tilly is drowning in her family’s lies. Worse, these feelings for her neighbour Zack—these stupid, flustering, more-than-friends feelings she’s been trying to ignore—mean she’s also lying to herself.
Review
Never, Not Ever is a heartfelt exploration of grief, family dynamics, and teenage identity. Jodie Benveniste, a psychologist and author, describes her work as “heart-expanding young adult fiction, supporting your self-understanding and emotional healing,” and this novel delivers on that promise for young readers.
The story centres around 16-year-old Tilly, who is grappling with overwhelming emotions one stressful summer. She’s mourning the loss of her grandmother, who was also her primary caregiver, while struggling with resentment toward her mother, an overworked lawyer and single mum whose long days and frequent business calls leave little time for traditional parenting. Simultaneously, she’s navigating new romantic relationships and facing the insecurity and identity crises many teenagers will relate to.
This is a novel with its feet firmly set in the teenage fiction genre, and will likely to appeal to younger teenage readers. For older readers, Tilly’s character arc may feel predictable, particularly her journey toward understanding her mother’s competing responsibilities and the beats of the central romance. As an adult reader, my favourite YA books have wider appeal; I found it challenging at times to immerse myself in Tilly’s often black-and-white worldview, particularly her harsh judgments of her mother’s perceived shortcomings which are present from page 1. That said, her frustration over having to essentially parent herself—cooking all the family meals, for instance—is understandable and poignant, especially when viewed through the lens of her grief and loneliness.
One of the standout aspects of the book is Tilly’s evolving relationship with her father, who reappears after 16 years. This dynamic introduces some interesting drama as Tilly and her mother are forced to confront long-buried timelines and adjust to new family roles. This subplot offers some of the book’s most emotionally satisfying moments.
However, Tilly’s interactions with other teenagers – particularly teenage girls – are less compelling. She views most girls through a judgmental lens, labelling them as “drama queens” or “preened-up princesses,” judging their bikinis and short skirts (despite being weather appropriate – it’s Australian summer, after all!). I was expecting some Mean Girls-esque self-discovery, but unfortunately, her internalised misogyny is left unchallenged. A more nuanced exploration of her relationships with other girls could have helped me warm to her character.
A notable strength of the novel is its portrayal of Tilly’s emotional growth, including the role of therapy. Tilly’s sessions with her psychologist are nested in evidence-based Internal Family Systems therapy, offering readers a refreshing perspective on the therapeutic process. This aspect of the story may resonate particularly with readers who are interested in therapy, but have limited exposure.
Overall, Never, Not Ever is an earnest novel that will likely resonate with younger teens who are interested in themes of grief, family challenges, and first love. While it may not fully engage adult readers, that’s okay – it’s a commendable addition to your Australian YA shelf.
Thank you to Jodie Benveniste who provided a copy of her novel in exchange for a review.
Review by Elise
Novel Feelings 